I’ve been struggling! I’ve literally been in a lock jam with writing material and blogs for my business. I’ve set my intention to write. I’ve blocked time on my calendar to write. I’ve coached about the need and desire to write. Yet still… nothing. I’ve spent lots of time thinking about it. Ideas have flowed in, and then out again. I then spend more time thinking, and now stressing about it. So what is it?
The first big question: What am I afraid of?
Ugh… this was an easy one for me. I know this to be my biggest saboteur. The hard wiring of perfectionism. This was my first layer to explore. The vulnerable feeling and voice in my head… what if it’s not good enough? What if people won’t see it as impactful or something they would be interested in reading? Yep. The desire to have it buttoned up and be like all the others I look up to that write perfectly. This, my friends, will be an ongoing theme you see pop up in future blogs, I’m sure! Once I spent some thinking time on the I’m not good enough hamster wheel, I was ready to go deeper.
Next question: What is holding me back?
It took some time to really sit in silence and allow the feeling to come up for me. This was also rooted in perfectionism and the desire for things to be a certain way. My first response was the need for having my “house” in order before I could get into a creative writing space. Allowing other personal and business development checklist items that I feel I need to get in order before I can really get into the new way of doing things. Makes no sense, but yet total sense. Side story about “my house”. I have a very tidy house, and office, and car, and pretty much anything else that I’m associated with. I like things a certain way and I like to be organized. Aesthetics matter to me. I don’t put emphasis here because I feel I need to, it’s because it makes me happy and brings me joy. All this being said, having my house in order can translate into me not being able to break away from what I believe to be a certain way of doing things.
Next question: What would be your first blog topic?
Instant thoughts of perfectionism flowed through. The desire to start from the beginning. Write the history of how things came to be. Fill in all the blanks from when I left my corporate career and started my own business. Feelings of stress and being overwhelmed took over. So much to write about! Ugh – I’m stuck again.
Next question: What if you started in the middle, what would that blog topic be?
Oh… well that’s easier. I had a thought of a blog topic that came to me this morning. And one yesterday too! But how could I start in the middle? That’s not how my brain has functioned. But I think I’m on to something. Why can’t I start with what is striking me right now. Pause… Reflect… Pause… Reflect…
Next question: What is the visual that’s coming to mind?
It’s a Jigsaw puzzle! Start with what strikes me in the present moment. Go with the piece that is easiest to put in place – in the center, on the side – wherever. Eventually, the pieces will come together, they’ll all connect and paint the full picture. We get inspired at different times by different topics depending on what’s going on in our life. Even if I try to paint the perfect timeline, it doesn’t matter for everyone else. Let it be organic! Focus on small bits of inspiration instead of the overwhelming urge of writing the entire book chronologically in a two month timeframe.
The BIG learning:
After peeling back, digging deeper and sitting with this stream of ah-ha moments, I finally got to the root of something that has been really kicking me for the last few weeks. Why is it so hard to move forward in this new way? I’ve known that I need to find my new way of operating as an entrepreneur, a new business owner, outside of the corporate infrastructure I have lived in for the last 20 years. It’s so crazy how our brains get wired and how hard it can be to break the mold to start something new. My brain has been corporatized with years of linear, standardized, process thinking. Although I would strive to inject color, curiosity and pushing the boundaries, I was still very much a product of the corporate culture I grew up in – and proud of it. Understanding this, I realize I have two big items working to saboteur me that I need to build new neuro pathways to conquer. My perfectionism of wanting things to be a certain way and in order. And second, breaking away from my corporate structure, linear way of thinking. Breakthrough!
Action:
Now that I’m clear on what I’m dealing with, I can package it and be on the lookout for when it pops up. I can work to shift my thinking and build new skills. I now have my Jigsaw puzzle visual! When I start to get into orderly fashion, I need to shift my thinking to be organic, free flowing, with inspired thinking and writing of whatever strikes me that day. As a trusted advisor said to me just today. You just need to GO! If you wait for everything to be perfect, you’re going to get passed by!
So this is the start (or the middle) of my blogs — my new way of operating. Many more to come!
Be You & Thrive!
Amanda
Recent Comments